(COMIC) Cage and Fist in “The Friend Zone”
Ladies; there are a good number of your single (or not so single) male friends who want more than friendship with you. For whatever reason, they cannot or will not tell you how they feel and are waiting, like sharks, for the right moment to strike. Or maybe they are waiting for you to come to them. There seems to be two types of women in this situation: the ones who know that you want her and she’s stringing you along, pretending not to notice, OR she’s so clueless and naïve that she doesn’t know what’s going on and really thinks you’re just friends. In either case, ladies, stop doing it. Be straight with the men in your life and speak plainly as possibly because they will appreciate it – - if not now, definitely in the long run, and so will you.
To the fellas: I used to be one of those guys who waits around for a chick, hopeful she would come my way, and it is extremely frustrating and a good way to build up resentment.
The fact is that she’s not into you. Move on. She’s either your buddy or she’s the girl you want and you have to be honest with her and tell her how you feel. I don’t like using terms like “alpha male” and “beta male”, but in this case, it is appropriate – - it’s a weak, “beta male” move to hide your feelings because you are afraid of getting hurt or losing her friendship. It’s a risk you have to take, and as a guy, it’s something we have to deal with. Trust me in that I have gone through this many times in the past before accepting the fact that girls have “Choosing Power” in relationships and guys just have to deal. Man up, tell her how you feel, put the ball in her court (so to speak), and walk away. If it’s meant to be, she’ll let you know. If not, find someone else and stop hanging around her. There are tons of cool girls out there.
And for the love of God, stop pretending to be her friend, especially when she is already in a relationship. If she cheats on/leaves her boyfriend for you, how do you think she is going to treat you while in your relationship with her? Seriously.
Can men and women actually be just friends? Yes, but it requires both parties have the character to be honest with each other, and the strength to walk away from a friendship.
Stop all with all the sneaky shit.
I’m sorry, I think the twisted part is the people who are pretending to be friends, not the people who are taking their word for it. I think that’s pretty sick, and it’s completely uncalled for. I’ve got a friend here in Pittsburgh who is attracted to me, and has said so, and I’m not attracted to him, and I’ve said so, and we’re still friends. I think that if I had responded to his honesty by dropping him completely that would just further the social paranoia where no one tells anyone what they really feel for fear of losing them forever. We talked, and he said it’s ok, and I have to trust him on that. If I can’t trust my friends to be honest to me in a face-to-face conversation, then I can’t have any friends at all.
And it’s not like I’ve never been on the other side. I know another guy who I like a great deal and also have a crush on. So I decided that instead of torturing myself I would just tell him how I feel, and if he tells me what I suspect is true, that he’s not interested, then that’ll kill the crush (I find someone not being attracted to me to be a big turnoff). Of course, it’s never that simple and I’ve never been able to have that conversation because he’s decided to stop talking with me at all. I consider that the rejection I needed to kill the crush, but it sucks, because I honestly would have liked to be his friend. So I know it hurts. But I still think trying to talk to him instead of repressing my feelings and being miserable was/would have been the right move.
I’m not saying there aren’t evil women who knowingly toy with every guy who is attracted to them so they can feel better about themselves. I’ve gotten into quite a nice social-group-splitting feud over that. But for those of us who aren’t mind readers, dealing with the people who aren’t obvious … you’ve got to be able to trust your friends. Otherwise you’ve got no one.
It’s cool that you were able to maintain a friendship with a guy who is attracted to you, but that is usually not the case for a lot of men. When a man is really emotionally worked up over a girl, the best thing to do for him (usually) is to walk away. Now, if a guy is man enough to tell you how he really feels and you’re woman enough to be straight up and honest with him, it doesn’t really surprise me that you two can maintain a friendship – - unfortunately, that is not the norm between “adults”.
As for manipulative women who string men along, I have met more than enough of them.Men and women both act shitty towards each other, both utilizing different tools for different aims, and that makes it harder for the rest of us who just want to find love or a decent one night stand.
I have to admit that I flinched a bit at: “…she’s so clueless and naïve that she doesn’t know what’s going on…”.
The thing is that I’ve always had guy friends. Along the way, some of them had told me that they liked me as more than a friend, and I gave them a straightforward answer as to whether or not I felt the same way, but because I was so used to the honesty of some, I never questioned those that never said anything.
You have to understand that I grew up with everyone around me telling me how stupid, ugly and worthless I was, so it never crossed my mind that the guys with whom I was friends wanted anything more than friendship. After all, I was the girl who climbed trees, got into fights and always got bruises and blisters. It wasn’t until very recently that I realized that some of my guy friends wanted more.
At that point though, I would just drop them as friends. The last thing I need in my life is ri have “friends” who don’t tell me what’s really going on.
“naive and clueless” might have been a touch harsh, and for you in particular, I dont think that necessarily applies to you because of your background. Unfortunately, as a (attractive) woman, you have to be extra careful about the men who are your friends. I don’t think you have to be paranoid, but just keep your eyes open.
Good advice.
Thanks!
grow a sack, tell the truth and keep it G.
that’s wassup